Family: The Gift You Can’t Return

Discussion in 'The Hens' Nest' started by Scout, Jul 11, 2014.

  1. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    @CoolWife she's sending him and refusing to come. Which, I adore my dad and as glad he's visiting, but that was not who we asked to visit that week. He's a chill guest, but also the opposite of helpful. Last time he visited for the 10 seconds he had to watch Fry during bath time (rooster had to go grab a towel) , Fry submerged himself.

    They want to stay at your place two days of the week EVERY week?
     
  2. CoolWife

    CoolWife Chicken

    That is crazy on your moms part, and not who I'd want to come stay with me when I was home alone on your dad's.

    Yes. Like, come Tues night and keep him home Wednesday. Which will always turn into leaving Thursday morning, well why don't we keep him today too, we'll leave after dinner, we'll go in the morning, and me losing my mind Saturday and telling them they have to leave.
     
  3. TaterTot

    TaterTot Rulebitch Staff Member

    @CoolWife Preach. I have had these conversations with my own parents. Like, I know they want to help and think that would be helping, but I don't want to meal plan for the kids at home two days a week or clean up the mess they make while they're home two days a week -- especially not while I'm paying for them to be somewhere else.

    Granted, my parents are amazing houseguests and my mom I'm sure would do the laundry and cooking and cleaning up after herself (and my dad would find "projects" for himself), but that's still how it would feel.

    Sigh. Come on the weekends when we're home alone with the kids for 2.5 days straight and give us some relief then.
     
    CoolWife likes this.
  4. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    @CoolWife yeah, that definitely sounds excessive
     
    CoolWife likes this.
  5. CoolWife

    CoolWife Chicken

    @TaterTot my parents are the same. Super helpful. Still don't want them here every tues-wed. His parents are not. They think they are, but they don't ask, or do and still do what they think is best. Like making the bed with dirty sheets.
     
  6. TaterTot

    TaterTot Rulebitch Staff Member

    To be fair, our guest area is basically my parents' -- like they have their stuff in the dresser and in the bathroom drawers/shower. If I suspect no one else will be visiting before the next time they come, I don't wash the bedding after each (short) visit.
     
  7. @TaterTot My dad lives 3 streets over from us and he has yet to meet A, who's 5. He just doesn't want to. My stepmom does the same thing with pictures on social media. She's a well-respected teacher in our city and when people find out we're related (same unusual last name) they tell me how wonderful she is and how adorable my kids are (from pics she's shared). I hate it.

    Fun fact: My mom just decided to stop taking her Plavix cold turkey despite having a very large stent in one leg and clots in the other. This should be interesting.
     
  8. bluevalentine

    bluevalentine Statler or Waldorf

    Since I'm now living alone in a two bedroom, two bathroom condo, I've been thinking about having a roommate. I'm buying out O's share of the condo, so money is going to be pretty tight, and my friend mentioned that his girlfriend is moving to our city in a few months and is looking for a place (they're from conservative families who don't want them living together before they're engaged). I told my mom I was thinking about it, and holy effing hell, you'd think I told her that I was taking in homeless drug addicts off the street. Every time I see her now, she starts in with a lecture on how I need to think this through and "Have you thought about THIS?" or THIS???" as if having a roommate is some kind of rocket science.

    I realize there are risks, and obviously I'm going to do everything I can to mitigate them, but my mom is one of the most paranoid, suspicious people I've ever known and she will not shut up about it. She basically tried to sabotage my friendships growing up, wouldn't let me go to the mall with my friends because she was afraid that my nerdy little friends were all secretly gangsters selling drugs and shoplifting, wouldn't let me go to sleepovers because every male person is a rapist, wouldn't let friends sleep over at our house because ever tween girl is a fake rape accuser who would put my dad in jail, and the list goes on and on. So naturally, she feels that having a roommate is a one-way ticket to me being robbed blind and driven from my own home. I honestly think she has undiagnosed anxiety issues, and she tends to fixate on other people's problems and drive herself insane over them. Particularly mine.
     
  9. TaterTot

    TaterTot Rulebitch Staff Member

    My mom. Picked a fight. With my MIL. Via Facebook Messenger. Over something she saw on Facebook.

    This is why I'm not on Facebook.
     
    PettyLaBelle, Erie, Avocado and 13 others like this.
  10. CoolWife

    CoolWife Chicken

    This is why I'm now FB stalking her and I can only imagine.
     
    DaleBrennan likes this.
  11. A. Ham

    A. Ham Chicken

    What do moms and MILs even fight over?? Insane.
     
    April Ludgate and Kimmers like this.
  12. android

    android Founding Messiah Staff Member

  13. RoryGilmore

    RoryGilmore Chicken

    This is MIL-related, but since she's not being a total dick, I'll put it here.

    She has texted multiple times a day (every single day) about the baby. "How is the baby." "What's she doing now." "I want a picture." "What's new with the baby."

    She's even referred to C once or twice as "my baby," which is really crossing a line. I've talked to G about the over-texting, and while he seems annoyed, he is pulling the "I can't tell her what to do" card. I know I'm only hearing half of it. I know she sends him totally separate texts about baby-news.

    It's not like she discovered a cure for the common cold. She's a baby. She eats, sleeps, and poops. That's what's "new."
     
  14. pinacolada

    pinacolada Chicken

    That would irritate me. And no he can't make her stop, but he can certainly tell her to chill with the texting so you can, you know, take care of your baby.

    And the "my baby" comments are not cool. Next time she says something:
    "How's my baby?"
    "good, but pretty tired/having fun with his daughter/why don't you ask him yourself?"
     
  15. MagnificentCat

    MagnificentCat Chicken

    I'd bribe her with the promise of pictures to leave it. 'I'll send you new pictures of Charlotte once she does something new. Talk to you then.' And if not, a flat out 'give me space!' That might not work with most people. I've had more problems trying to subtly bring something up with my MIL so now it's more direct.

    The 'my baby' would piss me off. I might even say something about not realizing she was the one that went through labor. But again, that's how she and I communicate. I'm sure your MIL is just trying to show her enthusiasm for your daughter, but yeah, annoying.
     
  16. nym711

    nym711 THIS IS MY LIFE NOW

    This is what worked for my sister, but I don't know if I would do it. Her MIL did similar things, but not several times a day like it seems your MIL is doing. Her husband suggested that she simply initiated things, so every few days, she'll send her MIL a photo or a video. It keeps her MIL from bothering her too often.
     
  17. NerdLady

    NerdLady Chicken

    One of my friends had the same issue with her mom when her daughter was born. She'd FaceTime her multiple times a day and would want my friend to prop the iPad up just so her mom could watch the baby sleep, or eat, or hang out in her crib. She had 30 texts from her mom asking about the baby, when the baby could come stay with grandma...

    She ended up taking a bunch of pictures of the baby in various angles and sending them all to her mom at once and her mom got the hint about how annoying it was to have someone text you 100 times a day.
     
  18. RoryGilmore

    RoryGilmore Chicken

    Some amazing tips here. I don't know if I told you guys, but yes, she did end up rearranging my living room when I was in the hospital. Nothing major, but... still weird.

    The texts to both G and I average at maybe 5 per day, all saying close to the same thing. I know she also calls G, and I do believe she just sends him shit as well. He definitely didn't deny it when I asked. The problem is, the two of them have a total "jokey" relationship. Like, they're not the type to talk about their feelings. My family is just the opposite. Feelings are HUGE.

    This is good. My original suggestion was to wait 30 minutes minimum before responding to each baby text, so she slows them down a bit. G already forgot to do this once. I also had the "I need you to put my feelings before your mom's feelings" talk with him, and while he agreed, I know it's hard for him and it'll be kind of a long battle.

    Again, in general, I did luck out. My MIL is very sweet, and she has good intentions, but this is just creepy.
     
  19. pinacolada

    pinacolada Chicken

    WUT. Why? Did she move it back? I'd be pissed (unless it was her carrying out your plans for you).
     
  20. RoryGilmore

    RoryGilmore Chicken

    Nope. She was told not to do it by G (supposedly) and did it anyway, and was like "DON'T BE MAD!" It wasn't chairs or heavy stuff, but she rearranged my flowers, threw out a bouquet since "they were dead" (they weren't great, but they weren't dead) and moved a lamp. And also fucked around with stuff we had in the nursery. I was quietly livid. I'm slowly getting over it.

    I don't like the excuse of "Well, that's just who she is!" I have a really hard time standing up for myself -- especially with family -- so it's more of a stressful situation.
     
  21. pinacolada

    pinacolada Chicken

    FTFY

    You might be interested in r/justnomil.
     
  22. RoryGilmore

    RoryGilmore Chicken

    Yeah, maybe I'm giving her too much credit. This behavior is fucking ridiculous, but it's been the only real crazy act I've seen since G and I started dating about 8 years ago, which is why I'm probably giving her a pass. (She did try to rearrange furniture once before in an old apartment we had, which sucked, but I just pushed it back the second she left.)

    G wants me to think about the limits I want to set with her, which puts me in an awful place. He's not getting involved in this I guess, thus everything is going to end up being my fault if his mom isn't thrilled with the solution. Is taking C and temporarily moving into a cave, out of cell phone range, an option? Since that's looking mighty tempting right now.
     
  23. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

    That is ... not supportive of him.
     
  24. android

    android Founding Messiah Staff Member

    Do you have an iphone? I'd put her incoming texts on Do Not Disturb and respond to her once a day, hours after the last text.

    And that's batshit crazy that she rearranged the living room wtf.
     
    April Ludgate, Fitz and Kimmers like this.
  25. MagnificentCat

    MagnificentCat Chicken

    Does she move around furniture everywhere she goes? Does she do it when she visits her friends or a restaurant? Or just when she visits her children in their home? Because if not, that's not 'just how she is.'

    It's a domineering way to passively assert to her children and their families 'I'm really on top here.' She may not be consciously thinking that, but this need to change the place to her liking without asking is what it is.
     
    PettyLaBelle, Pickles and android like this.

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